me_the_loser

Haven't seen this journal in AGES!!!! =o

Though I'd write something random in it. To make me feel important.
♥Didn't work, really. But let's continue with this revolution. xD

So I got my driver's permit today. Pretty exciting.
Now if I can just quelch (is quelch a real word? xD) my fears of those huge trucks with 10 tons of wood and steel tied down barely with twist ties flying down the highway wanting a reason to die I'll be okay to try and get into the driver's seat of a car.

...Aaaand that was a run on sentence if I ever did see one. =]

Yeah.
Ahem.
As for my nonexistant (And yes, the true meaning of the word. As in, I've never had one. Nothing at all. And I never will.) love life:
I got to talk to that special someone today. That boy that has been held in my thoughts and my heart for a very long time. Someone I haven't talked to in over a month, actually. And they actually messages ME! He never does. He has maybe done so once or twice in the hundreds of times we've talked. It's always me that starts the conservation but today he did. ♥♥ ..Though maybe that was because I left 12 messages prior to that one and he had now just recieved them. Either way, he returned my greeting. It made my heart flutter and my stomach drop like it always used to; like the beat was never missed and it was only a matter of minutes ago that we last said goodbye. All of these returning memories from him just saying hi. It also made me remember the days when we would talk for 10 hours a day, every day of every week, taking an hour to try to say goodbye to the other, not wanting to let go.
Let go in an internet way, though. I've never truly met him.
Which leads most people to think me stupid. Online things never work. Not that me and him have an online 'thing', and I dont think we ever will. I'm too ugly, inside and out for him to ever develop some sort of feeling other than hate and pity for me. But.

Unrequitted love is the hardest thing a person can deal with.

Throwing in the internet and being 10000 miles is just asking for tears, fears, and cut up hearts.


...I've never really had a way with words, which is why I admire all the beautiful people who write fanfiction out there. ♥♥♥ I love you guys. You guys are so talented. I wish I could do half of the things that you do.

My words are empty. They don't make people /feel/. Mostly because I can't feel them myself anymore. So how can one expect me to make them make others feel when I can't even love my own creations of those twisting never ending words strung together to full coherent, normal thoughts?

I'm not normal, so my thoughts can't pertain to most the way I'd like them to. But I hope you can get the jist of it. Sometimes.

Ugh. Rambling.

I wish I didn't ramble. I wish I was okay. =]
...I wish you loved me as much as I wish I never met you so my heart could pretend there's no one out there that qualifies as my soulmate.



Hnm, this post sounds so.... typical teenager.
...No wonder I have no friends.



"I came down here to tell you; it rains in Heaven all day long. I wanna find you so bad; and let you know I'm miserable up here without you. Miserable up here without you."

Yes, the word on the street is true. I have fallen victim to writing a pathetic online journal. And now you're pulled into the mix, being forced to follow and hang on my every word or petty emotion I say or go through.

Anyways, after that plesant welcoming, I hope you feel right at home.

Today was boring.

I woke up with my back killing me, because of going to Dave and Busters at the Waterfront the previous night, and boxing for a while and burning like, 600 calories. whoo.

I had play practice. Which sucked. I can't wait till everything's over and done with, and me going back to doing nothing but sitting around all day.

Eh.. anyways I went to the mall after, and literally blew more than a hundred dollars. ^__^

Then after cleaning out the stores, I went to Barnes n' Noble, and saw like a kahjillion people from Central there. And I looked like crap. >___<

Well, I'm pretty tired. Not that you care. Not that you care about any of this, or if anyone even read it.

Oh well, I can still dream.

~Court